I got chris browned last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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