I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
