he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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