Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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