wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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