K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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