i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
