So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize