K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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