i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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