My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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