You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
