Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
