Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
