we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
