My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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