We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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