so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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