I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
