Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
