The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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