I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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