You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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