it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
