i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
