We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
