I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
