dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
