the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
