He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
