You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
