Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
