6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
