Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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