How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
