4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
