The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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