Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
