Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
