I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
