Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
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I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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