Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was born a porn star she said
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
