i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
