Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you traded sex for a burrito?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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