Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
