Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
