The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
