Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
