Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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