she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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