So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
