hell yes lets make some ravioli
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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