you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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