Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
