I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
