hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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