my being single is dangerous.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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