I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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