wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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