we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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