I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
