You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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