I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
