Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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