it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
