Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
