Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
