Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
