The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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