My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
