I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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